At
35, single with no children, I consider myself a Father. A Father in the sense
that I have a responsibility toward others and take happiness in other's
successes. I plan on having my own children someday and hope to be a good
Father in the traditional sense of the word, but for now, I’m happy being a
Father in another sense. Most of this was first said by others, prophets, and
is now become mine because I've been inspired of the truthfulness of these
principles. I'm sharing this publicly, because when I share my plans with
others, I am more likely to hold myself accountable and follow through.
My Father
First Duty is to Keep my Life in Order
Fatherhood is responsibility, it means setting an example and living a
life of love and service. It means keeping my life in order and fulfilling my
duty. First to God, and then to other people. To continually be the best person
that I can and improve on my weaknesses and use my talents to bless others. To
be a good Father, one must first be a good son. To honor my Father and Mother,
both Heavenly and earthly, and make them proud by my actions. I need to be good
and true and kind. To seek after and become the best that I can by being
faithful to my covenants with God, be a disciple of Christ, read scriptures,
pray, look heavenward for God’s help and guidance. To keep my feet firmly
planted on the ground and diligently exercise and work. To come to
the marriage altar clean, pure, and virtuous. To not have an angry temper, but act in peace and composure. To flee
pornography and keep arousal purposeful. To allow for others agency and live a life
of staying true to principles. To put away vanity – ego and
self. To encourage others to fulfill their duty to God and others. To one day
choose a wife well – a woman that comes nearest to my personal pinnacle of
perfection that I may be proud of her in every
respect. To prepare myself in my relationships with others that when I do
have a wife and children, that I may treat them with the respect and love a
Father should. To love and service all my brothers and sisters,
everyone in this world, because aren't we all fellow sojourners?
Father and a Husband
Relationships are the fabric of life. The most
important interpersonal relationship in this life will be with my wife, my
beloved helpmeet, companion, and equal. As a Husband, my duty is to love my
wife with all my heart and with love unbounded as Christ loved the church
and gave himself for it, trust her, walk beside her, be her best friend and
companion, encourage her in church activity and community activities, and honor
her in her performance of the most divine, highest, holiest, and noble work
that mortals may perform as a Mother. Be loyal with perfect moral fidelity
in thought and word and in deed with no outside flirtations, and cleave
to her and none else. To put my wife’s interests above my own in the struggles
of life – even if it consumes all of my energy and strength and then my love
for her will increase. To show respect, and express love through word and
action, express gratitude, show compassionate concern, and praise her,
especially for her forbearance with my weaknesses and loving me for what I may
become. Always speak to my wife lovingly and kindly and with wholesome words.
Seek to take direction and cooperate with her wishes, hopes, and hints. Revere
and cherish her counsel, love, faithful prayers, and ministry. Have my words
and actions inspire confidence and trust. Make time spent together uplifting.
Pray and strive for unity and to become one.
Reverence motherhood and accept wife as my partner
with full knowledge and participation in decisions and do not act independent
of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of wife. Express regularly to
wife and children my reverence and respect for wife. Make wife’s feelings and
self-esteem a high priority. Help wife to
manage and keep up the home and nurture the children. No physically
domineering, unworthy, indecent, uncontrolled, selfish behavior. Do not abuse
or demean wife or children. Use tenderness and respect and be considerate,
kind, and sensitive to wife’s needs and desires. Have full and complete
understanding on financial matters. Do Not: dictate
or demand, tease, use mean or angry words, be harsh or unkind, disrespect,
neglect, force or compel, criticize, fault find, use sullen behavior,
act arrogant, or lose temper, be selfish, or greedy. When my limitations and
inadequacy arise, repent and do my best and trust and rely on God to fill the
gap. Thank God for my wife.
Work out differences with love and respect and kindness and
mutual reconciliation. Do not assert my will above hers. Employ open
communication and work through things. Do not even allow a potential
misperception of force. Make an effort to please and exercise an overwhelming
desire to make my wife comfortable and happy. Be considerate and sensitive to
her needs and desires. Look for the virtues in her and not the vices.
Father of Children
Love and take good care of them. Seek and find the Lord’s help and
guidance. Love the way God loves, comfort the way
He comforts, protect the way He protects. Create a loving atmosphere to
teach children correct principles. Teach children the value of working toward
worthy goals like serving a mission, attaining an education, and eternal
marriage. Allow for their agency and give them
room to grow. Enlist the entire family to love each other. Take
responsibility for my mistakes and set an example with church involvement and
service. Bear personal testimony even when I feel it isn’t sinking in presently
because they may remember it later. Know God and deliver his commandments to my
children and household. Pray for unity and to become one. Be an example
and help them form their view of Heavenly Father by acting like He acted toward
Christ. Give my time and be physically, emotionally, and spiritually present in
their lives. Give kind comments, show warm personal gestures, take an active
interest in what is happening in children’s lives, offer to give a blessing, or
write caring notes signed – Love Dad, let them know, feel, and understand
that they are loved, or just spend time together. When my limitations and
inadequacy arise, repent and do my best and trust and rely on God to fill the
gap. Thank God for my children. Do all I can for the happiness and spiritual
safety of the children I am to nurture. Forge a tight knit bond with them. Embrace my children and stand with them forever.
Nana and the Gould boys
Other Fatherly Duties
Preside, bless, and teach. Be loving and spiritual, direct, correct, and nurture using love and patience, meekness,
tenderness, respect, and righteousness. Edify,
uplift, comfort, exalt; honor priesthood and give blessings of healing,
comfort, and direction and perform ordinances. Provide
for monetary needs to support family and be properly educated to be able to do
that. Work and toil and strive. Be modest in my financial wants. Provide for
the temporal (physical, mental, social) and spiritual well being, be happy
about my career. Protect children by
giving them my time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual
activities and responsibilities. Love their mother. Tenderly and
affectionately tell and show children I love them. Make
home a place of happiness and joy. Serve and lead by example like the
good shepherd. Be a friend. Spend time together as a family. E.g. church
meetings, family vacations, traditions, outings, etcetera. And spend one on one
time with each family member. Have a continued eternal courtship with my wife
and together regularly attend the temple. Go on daddy-daughter dates and father-son
outings. Have a refined home and allow children to see my joy in service in and
out of church. Set in order my family by leading out in church participation.
Live together in love and peace and harmony.
My niece, Bella and I
Postscript
I can practice many of these attributes in my relations
with my family, girlfriends, dates, friends, and even with strangers to an
extent. I will try my best to live up to this high standard and repent and try
harder whenever I fall short; admit when I’m wrong, and change for the better.
Many Fatherly actions can be performed in society outside of a traditional
nuclear family since we are one big human family with Heavenly Parents.
Although it will be wonderful to have a forever family and the family is
ordained of God, I don’t have to wait to become a Father. I can be one right
now through my service and love in relationships with everyone I meet.
